Tag Archives: Politics of Sexuality

who’s hoohoo is it anyway?

15 Mar

[we interrupt our normal banter to bring you a public service announcement ]

introducing a guest blogger and his post -> Carter

[inspired by a video, parental guidance is advised all over this bitch]

first what is the ‘hoohoo’ (h2 (pussy for the extra slow folks))?

Sir. Issac Newton defined the pussy as the single most powerful controlled substance on the face of this planet, the ultimate ‘gateway drug‘ if you know what i mean,

why h2 works?

h2 is the gift that keeps on giving if used correctly, literally everything a man does is for the attention of some kitty *meow*, i would use baby oil & chapstick on my dry lips if it guarantees me some pussy later, i’ll even shave my pubes and bedazzle it if that’s what she’s into, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, i don’t even mind some ‘pity sex’ just as long as its sex…

however though, some women just do not know how to use it….you can have the maybach of all kitties, but if u don’t know how to use it… then the h2 aint nothing but another car, with the keys in the ignition… that every nucca can access

when i say some females don’t know how to use it, i don’t mean in performance, cos some of you got that reverse cowboy on lock, like crystal from last night……hmmmm crystal

anyways

what i mean is you need to learn how you can directly benefit from it 100%, paying attention to the fact that abuse of h2 can lead to a drop in value especially during these economic meltdown times (and by abuse i mean, if u throw your ish around like fucking sunshine or if u have that buy one get one free bonanza….smh)

if you’re always blaming yourself for fucking the wrong nuccas, talking bout ‘i don’t understand why this shit keeps happening to me’, then u have poor hoohoo management skills,

if you’ve stayed in an abusive relationship talking about “he’s gonna change, i just know he loves me”, then u have poor hoohoo management skills,

heck, if i’ve ever fucked you, you definitely have poor hoohoo management skills,

now we all know that dick is  nowhere near as powerful as the yoni, but it does hold a specific power -> mind control a.k.a dickwhipism

i was talking to my friend the other day, i wont mention her name because she knows where i live and black bitches be crazy yo,

she told me she got the best dick she’s ever…EVER had ,…eventually when he called her after ages of dead silence, he just literally wanted them to meet…. and fuck

he’s saying shit like “lets take it slow and see where this leads”, that’s some bullshit, i have never met a man who told a girl he wanted to date “lets take it slow” *spit*, if you have, try check that man’s body for spare female parts

now understand that this is a girl who wants to be in a r/ship and is catching feelings and he’s clearly not down for that. and she’s asking me if she should go meet up with him…hop in a cab, then on a train, then on the underground, defeat the underground wolf, then hitchhike through the amazon forest, canoe through river thames, then walk a block or two, to his apartment, to fuck him and then what??? i have to ask…..who’s hoohoo is it anyway?

and if its yours, ….#pause

how to tell if the kitty is yours?

1) if you can reach down and grab the kitty whenever you feel like….feels good dont it? yeaaaa…..

2) if you can take a pic of it

3) (optional but advised) if you can send that pic my way…

#unpause

why in the world does he have so much control over it

dickwhipism is NOT CUTE ladies

and u know, that i know, that u know that i know that y’ll been dumb over a dick at least once in your life time, and some of y’ll are dumb over one right now…and y’ll are disappearing on your girlfriends, cutting classes, some of y’ll are doing the most, flying over to see the nucca and things

[side-eye at Zara]

bottomline: its like politics, you gotta figure out ‘where you’re gonna press ya hand’ before you step in the booth, make him work for it, sign a pre-brapage contract, heck consult your local babalawo supply store

and to the pussy whipped guys out there, i dey hail; if you’re a straight guy & u let your girl jam her fingers up your a**hole during sex, u my friend r pussy whipped…..,

so, are you whipped? have you ever been whipped? or do you believe its a myth like my virginity? come now don’t be shy, the world is ending soon… everyone pitch in with ideas to help your friends in need 😉

signed:

Dick & Pussy Whipped Awareness Project (D.P.W.A.P )

Carter