Tag Archives: Hobos

i wonder what else is on tv *click, click, scratch, click*

18 Aug

i got lost people, i fucking got lost

dammit its a cold world out there booboos, like one minute i was walking into my wardrobe to pick out errmmm… stuff… and the next minute me and Aslan the Great Lion are having this conversation about raping hobos and the whole thing just got so confusing and i couldn’t find my way back..

for months..

and then i was like “help me obi wan kenobi, you are my only hope”, and he came looking fine as shit and well… we found another use for his lightsaber *sorry cucumber*

but still, i was scared as fuck, and none of you perverts came to look for me, and i was gonna leak my sex tape, i changed my mind, that’s what u get!!!

*blank stare*

so anyways, while i was in the canyons of good-luck-getting-out-ville, things grew and grew and this morning i looked down at myself and discovered that it’s a jungle down there, i wont be surprised if tarzan is swinging  his d*** from hair to longer hair down there right now.

i mean, i could die right now and how would they bury me? with unruly vag hair? i cant go out like that, and im not sure if there are razors in heaven, i havent received the nigerian’s guide to faaj in heaven yet… so…

i mean i could always just go get a brazilian but the last time i was there, you know how they put the wax on and you’re like oh FML and you clench your bum and the babe pulls the strip and out of nowhere, a huge fart emerges… like… that happened so many times to errmm… a person i know that the manager had to put an additional charge for inhaling dangerous fumes. i’m too broke for such lifestyle

and every time i use a razor right, its good for the first three hours and then you start itching like ‘the crabs are on tour in your vag’, i mean pulling your thong out of your ass is one thing, but trying to code a vag itch is quite another, when he’s on top of you and you put your hands down there to scratch, that’s the end… there’s no coming back from that people.

also, when the hair starts to grow back, which is like the fucking very next day, *facepalm* and its so sharp it’s wrecking the guy’s instrument during coitus (/ˈkō-itəs/:  who came up with this word?), i mean sharp enough that you can use it to slice yam, not that i’ve ever tried this before… i just walk around without pants in my kitchen, no big deal.

also, i just wanted to let you guys know that the story about the “burning bush” has absolutely nothing to do with setting your vag on fire, its is NOT a HAIR REMOVAL TECHNIQUE. don’t ask me how i know this, just know that there was weed involved and one of my mates holding a lighter was like “duuuuude do you know that hair burns really fast *giggle*”, and maybe chris was set on fire… still burns when i pee *cough*

so while we ponder about the depth of today’s post, remember that the hair is still growing and if i cant come up with a solution, i would wrap it in a bun …so if you see a bulge in my pants, it’s not a penis… #earlyonsetDISCLAIMER!!!

any one else in this same predicament?

also how do you feel about the infamous hairless penis? SERIOUSLY i need answers…. *sips jack daniels*

HUG?

blow my whistle baby

p.s. new name for my band – 3OH!3MonthsWithoutGettingLaid, if you know how to play the strings, apply within *cough*