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*fart* oops *blush*

23 Feb

“I wish I knew how to make an authentic sounding armpit fart for people standing too close to me in the checkout line”

people who know me, know my humor is like down in the dumps, I laugh as silly things in awkward situations, like every f**king time my economic lecturer says ‘penetrate the market’, I like DIE! and then I have condemned some words in my head – come, package, tube, hole….well a lot of words to be honest *covers face*

ever farted in front of your boy/girlfriend before? how about your side guy/chic? no? o_O well me neither *cough*…like seriously, who doesn’t fart? if by any chance someone raised their hand to that question, call a doctor asap.

(I grade farts secretly, there are roughly about five kinds of fart ranging from teeny fart to atomic bombs, i have three brothers, what do you expect….but we only play the ‘grading farts’ game in a well air-conditioned room)

to be totally honest, if I’m in a position where I need to fart, and this steaming hot guy is next to me, shit gets pretty awkward pretty quickly, my legs start jerking, and im doing something like a butt-kegel-clench exercise thing, and im scanning for the nearest exit, ‘cos farts don’t exactly smell like daisies and lollipops do they?

and its so totally cool when you fart, and someone else gets blamed for it, like in an elevator and people are like “do you smell that” “yea, smells like ass” “hey dude, whats your problem” and you’re there nodding along…dude, we need an award for this, the houdini of farts or something…

so this one time right, during ermm sex, while my legs were *cough* reaching for the skies and things, I let one rip…it tore out like the freedom rights movement *free at last, free at last*, for a dark-skinned babe, I turned red pretty quick, I was so sure he had heard it, I just wanted to dig a hole and lay there for a while (…seemed like he was interested in other things so I think he acted like he missed it)

its hilarious when we walk around like we don’t *fart*, my motto – don’t be shy, let it out (well except if you have been eating spicy food or beans, in that case, keep it in my all means)

if you have any *fart* stories that tops mine, share….i dare you 😀