please leave a message after the *beeeeeeeeeeep*

1 Jun

dear milicent,

i have a serious dilema, my man cums too fast. and the sad part is that he has this super huge dick, and its curved to the side, and when i first saw it i was under the impression that he was gonna bang my brains out….please help.

ms. anti-cum-quat

as you may have noticed, i changed my name to milicent, i feel like the name speaks to my soul (either that or i hacked milicent’s email…believe what you want). this email is just one amongst tons i have received throughout my life, talking about the issue of a man and his sperm-timing, so lets get right to it shall we

there are prolly two types of men that get under my skin…

A) the ones that like to play “maybe i knacked u, maybe i didnt”. freaking frustrating, like why did u even bother. your long curved dick misled me and for that im going to sue, thats two seconds of my life im never getting back…TWO SECONDS. no but seriously guys, whats up with that? no one wants to play where’s waldo in bed, freaking get in and make yourself comfortable, take off your shoes, put the TV on… good things cum to those who wait…or are patient ….or something like that, dude i forgot.

or is your penis a russian spy?

or maybe its the vagina, maybe your anaconda *yeah right* is afraid of the vagina…. in that case you want to start attending “be the penis everyone wants you to be” classes…

B) post-mature ejaculation (a.k.a the act of just being plain ol’ gay). *side eye at igbo men* omyDAYSSSSSSS, we have been knacking for three hours now, and hes telling me “yeah, ‘oney…u like that”, no o, i have been praying “dear Lord, send down the cum…”. when we are not nacking for the olympics, some men are so impossible, they want to buy market and live there sef, like nucca i gotta go take a piss…hurry the fuck up.

once my friend told me her man cannot cum unless he touches himself after sex……..i dont think i can handle that o, so after everything, u…u mean to tell me….u mean to tell me….in this very lagos….nahhhhh

so whats the point of this post yeah?
wait before you go, have you ever been knaking and your weave falls off? no? me neither….

*sips sprite*

disclaimer: i am in no way affiliated with sprite, the product was purchased by myself for my own personal use.  thank you

(sorry bout the month+ delay, i have no reason…well except….nah, i got nothing)

hi saeon  and oyeboom *waves*

20 Responses to “please leave a message after the *beeeeeeeeeeep*”

  1. Yogi June 1, 2011 at 08:54 #

    *sigh* when are you getting employed again?

    • thetoolsman June 1, 2011 at 08:57 #

      I heard there’s an opening at NBC.. proud makers of Sprite..

  2. Yogi June 1, 2011 at 09:00 #

    So what’s the acceptable time?

  3. olawunmie June 1, 2011 at 09:02 #

    Loool, crase at its best, we missed u zaraaaaaaa! Ahem *recomposes self* … That touching himself after sex thing get as e be o.. why cant he just touch himself n skip the sex part then?
    Funny post 🙂

  4. Cleo June 1, 2011 at 09:04 #

    Good one! Good one! LMFSAO!!!!!

  5. JCphoenixx June 1, 2011 at 09:07 #

    Man with super huge dick who cums at right time Fart in bed. – Ancient Chinese (irony) Proverb

  6. hello June 1, 2011 at 09:14 #

    Once had a BF who after pounding for 1hr will still have to wank be4 he spits out one tiny sprite! Took me a minute be4 I dumped his ass!
    I laffed all thru dis post. Am goin bak to read it again and Again. Nice write up!

  7. Saeon June 1, 2011 at 09:49 #

    LOOoOoOL – in that case, you wanna start attending “be the penis everyone wants you to be” classes???? I pictured many many guys in a round table meeting with their exposed manhoods looking like the image in the link below 😐
    http://static.wix.com/media/a95682c94b24964844ce160b0a698862.wix_mp

    Then yay, I got mentioned ^_^ **sips sprite with thin straw**

  8. StephanieIj June 1, 2011 at 10:06 #

    I’d definitely choose ..maybe I knacked you maybe I didn’t.. over ..knacking for Olympics.. any day doe..xx

  9. beforesheimplodes June 1, 2011 at 11:40 #

    I got mentioned??

    I got mentioned???

    I GOT MENTIONED!!!!!

    *climax over*

    Men my option lies not in this post…kent do “maybe i did or maybe i didnt” or nacking 4 olympics…im sorry im not cut out 4 sush heart break …there are better choices…amen

  10. beforesheimplodes June 1, 2011 at 11:43 #

    Zara so long as that poll is over there i wud continue to participate…with different answers
    Change it na abi?
    Use this post 4 inspiration 😀

    • Zara June 1, 2011 at 12:59 #

      LOL ahh, changing it asap…

  11. The truth is Bitter: Alomo Kasaprenko June 1, 2011 at 12:08 #

    😀 yes,I see my handwork in action. Nice nice.

  12. Random Awesomeness June 1, 2011 at 13:07 #

    Thirsty as always nothing new to see. Zara why don’t you write a post for the guys?

  13. H•A•W June 1, 2011 at 15:24 #

    LOL… Olympics..

  14. ms♥infamous June 4, 2011 at 03:53 #

    LoL…hmmm.. a guy that cant cum unless he touches himself?? thats a very serious case o! he should see somebody…anybody in fact that can help his predicament

  15. iamsamsie June 24, 2011 at 12:02 #

    Adams desire will solve it all.in pharmacies and affordable.

  16. papyrusczar June 24, 2011 at 14:07 #

    Lol nice

  17. bykerboi June 24, 2011 at 17:23 #

    But on a serious note o, hw long is it supposed to last for?

  18. ijay June 25, 2011 at 14:55 #

    A

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