Archive | June, 2011

extra space for me….qui?

28 Jun

so i was having this conversation with a boy, maybe we were naked, maybe we werent, maybe we kpanshed…maybe we didnt…the devil is in the details people, so we were conversating (i prefer this word to conversing, i should patent it), and he asked me if i had ever had sex with a guy who has a huge dick… like….

#pause

*looks around room*, is this a trap? this boy is asking me if i had ever had sex with someone with a huge dick right after we may or may not have just had sex… can i exactly say no at his point while his weiner was looking me straight in the eye with that look of “woman, u better recognize…” :(,

tell a lie, im terrified of a mighty huge penis, like when i sex up that old spice guy, you know the “Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me” guy?

yeah, that guy, when we have sex right, its either his mandingo does not fit or its renders my vag stretched out like a football field, his instrument is similar to that of a horse (maybe that’s why he’s sitting on a horse),

so whats the fascination with it being huge?

but come to think of it, i haven’t seen a stretched out horse’s vagina also, which leads me to believe that 1) all vagina’s are not equal, 2) horse’s have great sex, 3) i want cake

so anyways, i dont think a big dick would stretch out a vjayjay, cos if the vagina pocket can spit out a 7pound breast sucking pervert, then it gats be elastic…..

so why is your vagina loose? you better check yourself…!

p.s. guy mentioned above, if you are reading this… we are meeting up tonite yh? my place or yours (i can use my blog to set p, sue me)

please leave a message after the *beeeeeeeeeeep*

1 Jun

dear milicent,

i have a serious dilema, my man cums too fast. and the sad part is that he has this super huge dick, and its curved to the side, and when i first saw it i was under the impression that he was gonna bang my brains out….please help.

ms. anti-cum-quat

as you may have noticed, i changed my name to milicent, i feel like the name speaks to my soul (either that or i hacked milicent’s email…believe what you want). this email is just one amongst tons i have received throughout my life, talking about the issue of a man and his sperm-timing, so lets get right to it shall we

there are prolly two types of men that get under my skin…

A) the ones that like to play “maybe i knacked u, maybe i didnt”. freaking frustrating, like why did u even bother. your long curved dick misled me and for that im going to sue, thats two seconds of my life im never getting back…TWO SECONDS. no but seriously guys, whats up with that? no one wants to play where’s waldo in bed, freaking get in and make yourself comfortable, take off your shoes, put the TV on… good things cum to those who wait…or are patient ….or something like that, dude i forgot.

or is your penis a russian spy?

or maybe its the vagina, maybe your anaconda *yeah right* is afraid of the vagina…. in that case you want to start attending “be the penis everyone wants you to be” classes…

B) post-mature ejaculation (a.k.a the act of just being plain ol’ gay). *side eye at igbo men* omyDAYSSSSSSS, we have been knacking for three hours now, and hes telling me “yeah, ‘oney…u like that”, no o, i have been praying “dear Lord, send down the cum…”. when we are not nacking for the olympics, some men are so impossible, they want to buy market and live there sef, like nucca i gotta go take a piss…hurry the fuck up.

once my friend told me her man cannot cum unless he touches himself after sex……..i dont think i can handle that o, so after everything, u…u mean to tell me….u mean to tell me….in this very lagos….nahhhhh

so whats the point of this post yeah?
wait before you go, have you ever been knaking and your weave falls off? no? me neither….

*sips sprite*

disclaimer: i am in no way affiliated with sprite, the product was purchased by myself for my own personal use.  thank you

(sorry bout the month+ delay, i have no reason…well except….nah, i got nothing)

hi saeon  and oyeboom *waves*