who’s hoohoo is it anyway?

15 Mar

[we interrupt our normal banter to bring you a public service announcement ]

introducing a guest blogger and his post -> Carter

[inspired by a video, parental guidance is advised all over this bitch]

first what is the ‘hoohoo’ (h2 (pussy for the extra slow folks))?

Sir. Issac Newton defined the pussy as the single most powerful controlled substance on the face of this planet, the ultimate ‘gateway drug‘ if you know what i mean,

why h2 works?

h2 is the gift that keeps on giving if used correctly, literally everything a man does is for the attention of some kitty *meow*, i would use baby oil & chapstick on my dry lips if it guarantees me some pussy later, i’ll even shave my pubes and bedazzle it if that’s what she’s into, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, i don’t even mind some ‘pity sex’ just as long as its sex…

however though, some women just do not know how to use it….you can have the maybach of all kitties, but if u don’t know how to use it… then the h2 aint nothing but another car, with the keys in the ignition… that every nucca can access

when i say some females don’t know how to use it, i don’t mean in performance, cos some of you got that reverse cowboy on lock, like crystal from last night……hmmmm crystal


what i mean is you need to learn how you can directly benefit from it 100%, paying attention to the fact that abuse of h2 can lead to a drop in value especially during these economic meltdown times (and by abuse i mean, if u throw your ish around like fucking sunshine or if u have that buy one get one free bonanza….smh)

if you’re always blaming yourself for fucking the wrong nuccas, talking bout ‘i don’t understand why this shit keeps happening to me’, then u have poor hoohoo management skills,

if you’ve stayed in an abusive relationship talking about “he’s gonna change, i just know he loves me”, then u have poor hoohoo management skills,

heck, if i’ve ever fucked you, you definitely have poor hoohoo management skills,

now we all know that dick is  nowhere near as powerful as the yoni, but it does hold a specific power -> mind control a.k.a dickwhipism

i was talking to my friend the other day, i wont mention her name because she knows where i live and black bitches be crazy yo,

she told me she got the best dick she’s ever…EVER had ,…eventually when he called her after ages of dead silence, he just literally wanted them to meet…. and fuck

he’s saying shit like “lets take it slow and see where this leads”, that’s some bullshit, i have never met a man who told a girl he wanted to date “lets take it slow” *spit*, if you have, try check that man’s body for spare female parts

now understand that this is a girl who wants to be in a r/ship and is catching feelings and he’s clearly not down for that. and she’s asking me if she should go meet up with him…hop in a cab, then on a train, then on the underground, defeat the underground wolf, then hitchhike through the amazon forest, canoe through river thames, then walk a block or two, to his apartment, to fuck him and then what??? i have to ask…..who’s hoohoo is it anyway?

and if its yours, ….#pause

how to tell if the kitty is yours?

1) if you can reach down and grab the kitty whenever you feel like….feels good dont it? yeaaaa…..

2) if you can take a pic of it

3) (optional but advised) if you can send that pic my way…


why in the world does he have so much control over it

dickwhipism is NOT CUTE ladies

and u know, that i know, that u know that i know that y’ll been dumb over a dick at least once in your life time, and some of y’ll are dumb over one right now…and y’ll are disappearing on your girlfriends, cutting classes, some of y’ll are doing the most, flying over to see the nucca and things

[side-eye at Zara]

bottomline: its like politics, you gotta figure out ‘where you’re gonna press ya hand’ before you step in the booth, make him work for it, sign a pre-brapage contract, heck consult your local babalawo supply store

and to the pussy whipped guys out there, i dey hail; if you’re a straight guy & u let your girl jam her fingers up your a**hole during sex, u my friend r pussy whipped…..,

so, are you whipped? have you ever been whipped? or do you believe its a myth like my virginity? come now don’t be shy, the world is ending soon… everyone pitch in with ideas to help your friends in need 😉


Dick & Pussy Whipped Awareness Project (D.P.W.A.P )


45 Responses to “who’s hoohoo is it anyway?”

  1. Maki at 09:37 #

    Hahahahahaha! Love it!



  2. vanity at 09:40 #

    So its ok to be pussywhipped but not dick whipped? *walks away from this conversation*

    • Zara at 09:42 #

      nah boo dont get it twisted, thats a conversation for another day cos i was borderline 900words and my fingers fell asleep, also the focus is females for today…its never okay to be whipped….

  3. temmyno1 at 09:41 #


  4. Yogi at 09:44 #

    Carter is like your ******************? And erm who have you been flying over to see(brap) O_o

    • Zara at 09:51 #

      no-one 😐

      • Yogi at 09:59 #

        Tha heck??? You edited my comment yeah? Does that make you feel powerful? Does it??

  5. 😐

    Who is Carter?

    Hi guys I dont believe Carter is real.

    • thetoolsman at 10:14 #

      err.. Desanmi, I think we all know this now…

    • Zara at 10:19 #

      hes a friend of mine, stop being a doubting thomas!

    • temmyno1 at 10:30 #

      we don’t believe you’re real but that doesn’t stop you from tweeting 😐

    • temmyno1 at 10:32 #

      what i meant to say was….we don’t believe you’re real but that doesn’t make us love you any less

  6. fuck u all at 10:05 #

    Loves it madam…its not ok to be whipped meehn..guys use it as mind control..gals act a fool cos of dick..”Been there, done that” but for real though..I know some gal who continues to get S.T.I,s from her douche bag of a bf and she’s still wiv him.. That’s the highest level of stupidity..

  7. olawunmi at 10:10 #

    Lol, hilarious… Ahem Zara, who u been cuttin class n flyin over to ‘brap’? O_o

  8. thetoolsman at 10:12 #

    hahahaha… oh my.. she’s done it again…. what can I say, lemme cause more controversy and say something I once read… I quote “there is very little (if any difference) between your pum pum and that of the average gurl”

    Translation: unlike schlungs where you can easily tell the difference upon first encounter, you’d really have to posses trailer-park qualities to ruin your yoni. That being said, as much as I agree getting whipped is possible, at 9 gurls to 1 guy, the probability is seriously on the decline.

    Zara has given good pointer here but she needs one disclaimer “perfecting all of that will not guarantee your h2 becomes a male blackhole” Fact is, when a guy says she does it better than my ex, give them a month and then they really wont be able to point out what “exactly she did better”.

    • Zara at 10:25 #

      to be honest, no pussy is better than new pussy

      i think that wraps up the disclaimer quite nicely, all im saying is that some babes need to be in more control of their ‘yoni’,

      and i didnt write this post! dammit!

      (i had a hard time understanding this comment, speak im plain and simple english hoe)

  9. Zara where did you fly to self. thats the better question…doesnt even matter who. where did you fly to?

  10. icouldbeillskillz at 10:22 #

    We want more of Carter and less rants

  11. temmyno1 at 10:23 #

    This 9 girls to one guy census. Are we taking the homosexuals into consideration? i think not.
    P.s you can’t spell home without home.

    Sorry…wrong post

  12. icouldbeillskillz at 10:25 #

    Cutting classes and flyin over tho? power to the D.W.A.P

    • temmyno1 at 10:29 #

      power to the d.w.a.p….this is a cult yes?

      • Zara at 10:40 #

        meetings every third tuesday after the full moon, right before the rooster crows every night…power to the d.w.a.p

  13. SB at 10:38 #

    In the words of CHigurl..if u keep flying for dick..Ur yoni is gonna be a what??…A weist! #dosontin

  14. StephanieIj at 10:45 #

    This is the bestest bestest post…!!! Awesome..

    Doe I diosagree with –» “..you can have the maybach of all kitties..” Nah, no one does…its all in the branding.

    If ever I was to write a book, one of the possible titles would be ‘..the imperium on the ‘h2’..”

    Lastly, I beg to differ and state otherwise: “.. no pussy is better than hard-earned pussy..”

    • SB at 11:03 #

      I totally disagree with ur opinion on the “branding of kitties” its just like saying all pricks are the same (4giv the use of that word! It jus makes me giggle!). Try a micro-prick, then u kno branding has nothing to do with it. This too applies to the kitty

    • Zara at 11:10 #

      i actually do not mean branding of the kitty, i mean branding of the person, like a superstar has more guys in line to cancel her than the average person….(like the way more people wanna roll in a ferrari than a peugeout – god i doubt this is the correct spelling)

      but if the said superstar is banging anyone and everyone, thats poor hoohoo management right there…

  15. StephanieIj at 10:48 #

    …Btw, my kitty’s mine. tehehehe..

    • Zara at 11:13 #

      this is the first person to state their ‘whipism status’, God bless U

  16. This has officially become a sex blog. 😐

    Now all I can think of is whipped cream and it’s great uses.

  17. creamandcoffee at 12:58 #

    everybody knows that once a girl gets good dick she don’t know how to act.
    that’s all I’m going to say

  18. Saeon at 22:18 #

    true, nothing beats “hard earned pussy” or “new pussy”!!!
    furthermore, the ratio of being dickwhipped to pussywhipped is 9:1
    in conclusion, what do y’all have to say about new *prick*? 😐

    and Zara, answer the brap voyage question already!

    • Zara at 08:46 #

      LOL carry ur “new prick” and cross the street biko…..that voyage question will never be answered….wotever strand of rep i have left, im hanging onto it yo

    • you have abandoned us abi?

      • Saeon at 11:20 #

        me ke? abandon? God bidn’t!!!!

        but seriously *borrows Zara’s* yo, everyone always talks about new pumpum but never new prick, since this is obviously a sex blog (way to go Zara), we might as well sort it out… NO?

  19. Saeon at 11:24 #

    we musto get to 80 comments utunu

    • Zara at 11:29 #

      LOL saeon oo, personally i dunno where ‘new prick’ stops and ashawo starts, so i tend to limit my “adventures” :p

      • wait……………………………………………………………………..so wht u are sayin is u are not an ashewo right now?

    • lmao. No there is no such think as new dick, just better dick presentation.

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