*fart* oops *blush*

23 Feb

“I wish I knew how to make an authentic sounding armpit fart for people standing too close to me in the checkout line”

people who know me, know my humor is like down in the dumps, I laugh as silly things in awkward situations, like every f**king time my economic lecturer says ‘penetrate the market’, I like DIE! and then I have condemned some words in my head – come, package, tube, hole….well a lot of words to be honest *covers face*

ever farted in front of your boy/girlfriend before? how about your side guy/chic? no? o_O well me neither *cough*…like seriously, who doesn’t fart? if by any chance someone raised their hand to that question, call a doctor asap.

(I grade farts secretly, there are roughly about five kinds of fart ranging from teeny fart to atomic bombs, i have three brothers, what do you expect….but we only play the ‘grading farts’ game in a well air-conditioned room)

to be totally honest, if I’m in a position where I need to fart, and this steaming hot guy is next to me, shit gets pretty awkward pretty quickly, my legs start jerking, and im doing something like a butt-kegel-clench exercise thing, and im scanning for the nearest exit, ‘cos farts don’t exactly smell like daisies and lollipops do they?

and its so totally cool when you fart, and someone else gets blamed for it, like in an elevator and people are like “do you smell that” “yea, smells like ass” “hey dude, whats your problem” and you’re there nodding along…dude, we need an award for this, the houdini of farts or something…

so this one time right, during ermm sex, while my legs were *cough* reaching for the skies and things, I let one rip…it tore out like the freedom rights movement *free at last, free at last*, for a dark-skinned babe, I turned red pretty quick, I was so sure he had heard it, I just wanted to dig a hole and lay there for a while (…seemed like he was interested in other things so I think he acted like he missed it)

its hilarious when we walk around like we don’t *fart*, my motto – don’t be shy, let it out (well except if you have been eating spicy food or beans, in that case, keep it in my all means)

if you have any *fart* stories that tops mine, share….i dare you 😀

25 Responses to “*fart* oops *blush*”

  1. thetoolsman at 13:03 #

    OMG OMG OMG …. Im still speechless.. can’t believe you finally did this and you started all your paragraphs with small letters too… I’m sorry I can’t get around to any fart stories just yet, I’m still trying to shake off the shock ….

    • Zara at 13:18 #

      *waiting for your fart stories still*

  2. temmyno1 at 13:07 #

    I was going to comment about the post but…wow toolz…you got here pretty fast

  3. Yogi at 13:12 #

    *farts* so erm yeah I wanna know were you doing the reverse gravity boy position?
    One time in secondary school,I farted and the girl beside me(who I had a crush on) exposed me to the whole class x_x had to apologize for stinking the whole place.

    • temmyno1 at 13:15 #

      Roflmao. We should have a word for when we are about to let one rip. will Zara do?

      • Zara at 13:17 #

        HEEEEEEEEEY! slow your roll….

      • Yogi at 13:30 #

        Where’s my answer? >:o

    • Zara at 13:40 #

      yogi bear, i cant even believe u remembered dat X_x, well something like that *flicks weave and walks away*

  4. temmyno1 at 13:20 #

    Once, i was in a lift alone and i let one rip. Next thing a family walks in on the next floor. I had to get off even though my stop was three floors away.

    • Zara at 13:39 #

      ROFLMAOOOO the price we pay,

  5. thetoolsman at 13:28 #

    *farts* oh, I mean, *Zara*
    So, yeah, forget elevators… try a pool. Yup… Thats me, quite sunny afternoon. I was in with a couple of hotties on the other end. Thot I could get away wiv it.. afterall it was water (right).. Let me just say, sounds and bubbles hardly lie…

    • Zara at 13:46 #

      o_O lets never go swimming…ever :* (i cant swim anyways)

  6. Mariam at 16:09 #

    seriously after reading this..i farted *covers face* hahaha mehn i got multiple fart stories but am i really to post it here…o well here Goes…you know when u fart and dont expect it to make any sound…yup thats me.in a meeting with friends and lecturers and bazoka….i started beatboxing so no one would realize it….

    • Zara at 13:56 #

      LOL mariam, no wonder ur a beat-boxing champion…smh

  7. Mariam at 16:12 #

    After Reading this i farted due to LOL *covers face* mehn i have mulitple fart stories but am i really to post em here..well here goes. Do u know when u fart and expect no sound…Meeting with lecturers and friends and Bazoka..shit i started beatboxing to cover up…

  8. Chev Chelioz at 17:56 #

    LMFAO!!! Nice one Zara..

  9. radeyo at 11:48 #

    U know all these hard laughter moments that get u literally laughing ur ass off till u let one rip…. Well yeah, it’s hapnd to me quite a number of tyms in my house while chilling with family, but there’s this one very memorable time when I was with this babe at the OFFICE and dat moment came by. I just laughed out louder because it was a funny thing to happen and also coupled with the fact that it had to be subdued to ensure she didnt hear it. I’m still not sure if she heard it and I will never try to find out.

    My loud farts dont rily stink btw.

    *farts in here* ooops! sorry… #okbye

    • Zara at 13:41 #

      *sprays air freshener* LOOOL pele

  10. Enoch at 15:28 #

    Lol. Nothing beats library farts accompanied by putting up a Gen Abacha expression.

    I Could also sense an echo of Chris Rock’s “it’ll shoot out like a civil rights hose” joke. No?


    • Zara at 19:52 #

      yes yes mehn, chris is my mentor *smiley face*

  11. Saeon at 22:42 #

    RE: your swimming comment, Zara, your floaters would defo come in handy…

    err, ski-use me, *insert blonde student union presido azzent* I do not fart… y’all are just stank!!! I PUFF!!!


    • Zara at 20:00 #

      *jbdchvlisugyufavdbhcagygdbhcvuyewyev* saeon u r UNWELL!

  12. ty timi at 05:47 #

    Lmaoooooo! Back in SS1, I had this agric science ladt teacher who was always tripping like she’s the cleanest in the world and all that. She gets pretty annoyin and boring most times. One random day, I silently let one loose, oh my days, evn I got scared like damn! Was der sthn I ate? The teacher went ballistic, all hell broke loose, bam! She ended d class. Tho nobody knew twas me, I was like a Fart Hero, next agric science, students sat patiently waiting for the Fart Hero to come to deir rescue….. Aww mehn, u dunno the half of how hard I laffed during the above preceedings.


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