Archive | February, 2011

…here’s the thing about starvation

25 Feb

{i’m supposed to be writing a literature review, so, shhhhhh}

what I really meant to type up there was – here’s the thing about not having sex, but I didn’t want the heading to be as shallow as the content; the art of deception *hehe*

so where does all the blood go to? I mean seriously, once a day the blood in your body is supposed to flow down south and…you know…aid in [cannot find an appropriate word for what is going on in my head]

inner child – Zara I think the word you are looking for here is orgasm

oh yeah, thanks, orgasm… so isn’t ‘lack of orgasms’ bad for you or something? like an orgasm is part of your ‘five a day’..no? I understand that there are virgins and celibacy and all of that good good, but that’s a life style choice and the blood in their body is cool with that.

but the rest of us, that didn’t choose to be in this position, but have found ourselves stuck here because of the lemons that life has handed us…..I really think we should consider donating blood.

and isn’t there a thing such as ‘semen weight’? guys? I’m sure there is! like it’s just chilling in your body, alongside the water weight, and folks are just getting fat for no reason. I mean, some of the men I know work out and eat salads and things, but the kilos just keep piling on….. and i know you want to blame the heineken and budweiser and things, but leave beer out of this, this is between you and your swimmers.

some of us cannot even call it a sex-‘life’ anymore, just checked, mine just flatlined on the EKG monitor *sigh*

also… there really isn’t plenty of fish in the sea anymore, and i must admit i’m too picky for my own good… i want a blowfish, a goldfish and a piranha to have an orgy and reproduce and i’m sure u catch my drift…

did you know that 1.) Cucumbers are a fruit, and 2.) There exists a special variety of cucumber seed. This variety of seed hails from a pure lineage, having survived for thousands of years, avoiding…….*cough*

i know I’ve left some valid points out, so yeah, if you have any…lemme know

my cucumber says hi 😛

*fart* oops *blush*

23 Feb

“I wish I knew how to make an authentic sounding armpit fart for people standing too close to me in the checkout line”

people who know me, know my humor is like down in the dumps, I laugh as silly things in awkward situations, like every f**king time my economic lecturer says ‘penetrate the market’, I like DIE! and then I have condemned some words in my head – come, package, tube, hole….well a lot of words to be honest *covers face*

ever farted in front of your boy/girlfriend before? how about your side guy/chic? no? o_O well me neither *cough*…like seriously, who doesn’t fart? if by any chance someone raised their hand to that question, call a doctor asap.

(I grade farts secretly, there are roughly about five kinds of fart ranging from teeny fart to atomic bombs, i have three brothers, what do you expect….but we only play the ‘grading farts’ game in a well air-conditioned room)

to be totally honest, if I’m in a position where I need to fart, and this steaming hot guy is next to me, shit gets pretty awkward pretty quickly, my legs start jerking, and im doing something like a butt-kegel-clench exercise thing, and im scanning for the nearest exit, ‘cos farts don’t exactly smell like daisies and lollipops do they?

and its so totally cool when you fart, and someone else gets blamed for it, like in an elevator and people are like “do you smell that” “yea, smells like ass” “hey dude, whats your problem” and you’re there nodding along…dude, we need an award for this, the houdini of farts or something…

so this one time right, during ermm sex, while my legs were *cough* reaching for the skies and things, I let one rip…it tore out like the freedom rights movement *free at last, free at last*, for a dark-skinned babe, I turned red pretty quick, I was so sure he had heard it, I just wanted to dig a hole and lay there for a while (…seemed like he was interested in other things so I think he acted like he missed it)

its hilarious when we walk around like we don’t *fart*, my motto – don’t be shy, let it out (well except if you have been eating spicy food or beans, in that case, keep it in my all means)

if you have any *fart* stories that tops mine, share….i dare you 😀

i came; he didn’t :|

22 Feb

*pops in and waves* greetings earthlings, you know what….

I decided to give this a whirl and see how the shoe fits *puts foot in shoe* 😀

 

yup, that’s about it for now

be back in a flash